This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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