Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
