yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
