I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
