he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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