I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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