is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
