so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
