I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
