i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
