had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
