You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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