He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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