for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
