I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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