I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
