so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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