weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
