Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
