I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize