Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love accidental penises.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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