I think I died a long time ago.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
