we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
