time to smoke my breakfast
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
