Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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