I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
