and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
