Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
