from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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