Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
