I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My balls are so social today.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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