dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
