i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
