I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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