Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
