i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
