Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
