ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
