You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
