birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We have so much sex to catch up on
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
