Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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