they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
