toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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