you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
