You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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