failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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