Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
