Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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