I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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