physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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