wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
