Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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