i don't like sucking hair
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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