We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
