spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
