mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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